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Tragedy is Appealing
But Disaster is Addiction

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how_she_glows
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Oh, yes.
It always helps when I want to wallow in my self pity.

Current Music: Three Cheers for Five Years- Mayday Parade

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But I met pretty much the most perfect guy ever, the other day. And I had a really nice time with him. And he doesn't know it, but I can't wait for him to come back. Even if we just become friends, he's like the perfect friend to have. And he puts things in perspective. Like, he definitely made me think. I don't want to be that "someday person", I want to be the "now person".
We'll see.

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Current Music: Uptown Girl- Billy Joel

how_she_glows
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It's too cold to walk back to the dorms so I've decided I'm just going to stay at the Library until I work at 10 am. FRICK FRICK FRICK.

Current Location: The floor of Uris
Current Music: I Lie Awake- Quietdrive

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You know what offends me? When people talk about how poor some people are in the world. When we watch videos in class on poverty and people say things like "I felt so bad that they had to shop at the Salvation Army". And you know what else? In the video the woman was crying because she was explaining her situation and they were all the same things I've gone through. I mean, don't get me wrong, I felt bad for the woman. But these were things that I've just learned to deal with. Here were some of the things people made a huge deal about, that I've always just taken as given.
  • Shopping at the Salvation Army
  • Going over friends' houses, but not having friends over
  • Living without electricity
  • Living without hot water
  • Being Thankful for a house telephone
There are so many things students here take for granted. They are SO spoiled. SO spoiled. I heard one kid in my class saying the other day "My dad told me if I bring home a 3.6 in December he's getting me a 2009 something something (insert fancy car name).." Other student- "Oh yeah my parents told me if I brought home a 3.6 I was getting their 2004 something something (insert another fancy car name)" First student- "Yeah but mine is 2009...I mean I deserve it though. In High School I was driving around a 2000 something something (insert in yet another overpriced, zealous, spoiled brats car). I mean, it was so embarrassing!" I thought to myself "I don't know what to be more ashamed of "My 1993 Mercury Toyota...or that I'm easedropping on a couple of rich kids' conversations..."
So Cornell, you've done it YET again, advertised "Open Doors, Open Minds" and "Any Person, Any Study", and have created a student body that is SO diverse it's like an actual society with a huge wage gap. The rich keep getting richer, and the poor keep getting poorer...

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I was trying so hard to fit in, to fit in, until I found out:

 

That I don't belong here.

how_she_glows
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So, Taylor is cornell material? NOT!
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
A word to the wise, kiddies. Don't overachieve.
Go to U.B. It's a good school, and will get you just as good of a job as at Cornell. Well, maybe not, but at least you'll still be alive to receive the job offer.
Those gorges are looking mighty welcoming right about now...
how_she_glows
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You know, surprisingly, I do wish I was normal. I wish I wasn't so weird. Why do I have to act so bizarre? I'm so creepy, and people say it all the time. It's NOT a compliment, contrary to popular belief. I really wish I wasn't the way I am.

Current Music: Elsewhere- The Touchtones (Sarah McLaughlin)

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Oh and BTW I don't want this major. Actually, I don't want college. Not this college, but college in general. But I guess we all want carefree lifestyle that require little to know work with a bonus of fame and fortune.
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So here's the story,
Four Pre-lims, Freshman in college, Feeling overwhelmed, Finding enthusiasm in using the letter F...
UGhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Oh and besides the fact that I'm a stalker and am so stupid and hate Italian.

Current Music: Attractive Today; Motion City Soundtrack

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I feel like Cornell is just giving me more reasons to hate them before I even begin.

  1. No car for PSP.
  2. I have to pay my own way to get back to graduation. If I can't afford it, I can't walk across the stage!
  3. No leaving. Ever.
  4. I can take a bus to get there..but then I'm very limited on what I can bring.

I'll think of more later.

I'm going to miss:

  • The Triplets
  • Vintage
  • Vintage Friends
  • My Mom
  • and possibly something else, but we don't know what's going on with that right now.
  • ...oh yeah...MY FLIPPING CAR.

Current Music: City and Colour: Sometimes

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Oh the refreshingness of not being in school
I'm supposed to be on my way to Cornell right now, but on account of my procrasination, I sit here in my bath towel typing to you, dear world. 

Colleges:

  • Cornell
  • Dartmouth
  • Occidental
  • Syracuse
  • Whittier

Oh, decisions, decisions!
I really must leave.

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Please listen to this : http://www.markville.ss.yrdsb.edu.on.ca/music/amv/InRemembrance.mp3

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning's hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

Rest in Peace, my friend.
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Current Music: P.S.- The Working Title

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Current Music: Living Together; Circa Survive

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  • MTV
  • <li style="margin-right:4px; display:inline;"
how_she_glows
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I have to write this dream down so I don't forget it.

""""Chelsea Jill and I are in a store browsing for stuff and the store is about to close. They go out to the car and I see Martin, Paul, Bryan and John hanging around the store. So I go up to Bryan and was like "hey.." and he didn't remember me. So I go up to Martin and go "hey do you remember me??" and he did! but didn't know from where...so i finally tell him, and felt bad after a few minutes. "I'm not stalking you guys or anything, it's just that everytime your in town I want to see you so bad, and it happens------
MARTIN JOHNSON STEPS IN AND KISSES ME
omg. it. was. the. most. amazing. FIRSTKISS ever.
after a minute he stopped and looked at me and smiled. He took my breath away.
So he asks me to come to his room with him after a little talking and we go. I sit on the bed and he's on the floor playing with his kid toy set he brings with him to remind him of his family. He's so cute. So we talk a bit, and all of a sudden------
MARTIN JOHNSON STANDS UP AND LEANS OVER THE BED AND KISSES ME AGAIN
it was even better than the first.
my god, i was in heaven. so a bit goes by, and the next thing you know, i'm spilling my heart to GABE SAPORTA. I'm telling gabe about the things that happened, and he goes "Wow he kissed you? which side of the bus were you facing?" and i was like "Oh no I was on his bed." and he was like "HE GOT YOU IN HIS BED?!" and i was like "Yeah he was really sweet about everything." and he seemed a bit down. So i moved closer to him and was like "It just feels so surreal though. Like I was dreaming." and he leaned in and kissed me. and it only lasted a few seconds. we pulled back, both a bit awkward, and i popped a piece of gum in my mouth. We kinda stood there for a second, and he was like "I am real. I am here, I am now." and i was like "I need to wake up and you to still be there." and he said "Stop dreaming. I'm here and you are here. Together." And just as he says that, Martin runs in.
"Taylor...I'm so glad I found you. My bus is leaving now, and I want you to come with us."
I look at Gabe and then back at Martin.
"OK"
I go over and hug Martin and a quick flash comes to mind thinking of if I would be happy or regret not being with Gabe.
I'm sitting, looking out the bus window at Gabe who stands alone.
God I hope I made the right decision.""""

I will make some parts of this dream come true.
January 23rd+24th
Gabe Saporta.

Current Music: Mae; Singularity

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I feel like besides the people I know in person, the internet is filled with empty, lonely people. These people are hollow and have no depth whatsoever. I have only met one person online who completely contradicted this theory, and wish we could have grown closer. They would have been worthwhile to talk to.
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So fed up.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Dusk and Summer

how_she_glows
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i really wish i had some hollywood kills music besides this myspace jumbo.
and i wish gabe saporta would reveal his true feelings for me.
how_she_glows
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Ah, I really like Dartmouth.
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Ughh..single forever?

                         This can't be so,
                               THIS CAN'T BE SO.

                 I'm the girl!
                                  (they all avoid)
The side kick of a gorgeous guy magnet                     
Shouldn't it rub off? Instead of turning them on?

         No, No, No!
                                                    ((she doesn't see it))
BUT...It's such a nuisance.

Oh how difficult to live the life of a beauty queen.
                                                          and the girl who just tags along

Current Music: We dreamt in Heist

how_she_glows
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the sound of animals fighting...
how_she_glows
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And at eight fourty six a.m., july the fifth of two thousand and seven,

it was finally over.
how_she_glows
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i'm in california
and you're not.
holllllllaaaaaaa

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